Freedon, Old Timer Wisdom & Selfishness.

Today’s reflection dealt with freedom. I have the freedom to be sober and choose not to drink. I have freedom from alcohols kingdom. I did not have this before. I was a slave to the alcoholic grind. I was selfish and inconsiderate. I was an equal opportunity manipulator. I wasn’t right. I was lost. I am not a fan of using “I” statements but I know I have to in order to work through my crap.I am listening to Joe and Charlie (J&C) often. 

I am being selfish about my sobriety this time. I ignore environmental things that tug at me. If I am not selfish about my sobriety I will not remain sober. It will not always be like this, me being selfish and all but for now that is what has to happen.

David J

Inspiration

My daily reflection talks about the joys of sharing with newcomers. I have found as a newcomer that many people within my village have been very gracious and hospitable towards me. I have been in and out of AA for the last few years, but it wasn’t until I was fully present that I was able to feel the atmosphere. This really helps me with feeling at ease enough to share a bit. Most of the times I listen as I have heard old-timers with much sobriety continue to preach that even they still need to “shut the hell up and listen.”

As I read, I am struggling with relating it to my current situation. As pointed out in my study group, many of the things that Bill W was dealing with and people were much worse off than things are today. For example Bill W had tremendous delirium tremens (DT’s) often and consumed many bottles of liquor and ale daily. Although he had spots of dry spells, when he drank it was a lot over an extended period of times and he was in and out of the hospital often. Also, when Bill W was in recovery he would work with other alcoholics who were similar in their drinking patterns. Specifically, the alcoholics Bill W would work with were in the gutters, had lost everything or where in the psychiatric hospital strapped down. Although this was a direct reflection of the era it is a far cry from how things are today. However I am drawn to the era intellectually. I find the AA readings and other readings of the era fascinating. There is something about the early part of the century that I like learning about.

I was in a meeting today with a gentleman who was celebrating his 44^th sober birthday. Right at the end of the meeting he reached over and said “you’re the most important person in the room. Keep coming back.” What an inspiration. I will keep coming back.

David J 

Progress

This time around I have a little over two weeks and I feel good. At one point I had 30+ days and prior to that I had about 6 months. The problem was that I was working my program. I was working my steps which has nothing to do with AA 12 steps. I was not in contact with sponsor and I was practicing my trade as an equal opportunity manipulator. Instead of working the program I was working my modified programs, which consequently lead me back to drinking/relapse.

This time around I am 100% committed. After my last relapse I called someone and talked for a while. This person told me straight! “You need to lose your attitude and get some gratitude….Check your ego at the door and stop half stepping your way through the program….Get up cleans yourself off and get to a meeting…. Today is your sobriety date for the rest of your life.” That is exactly what I did. I committed myself to 90 meetings in 90 days and have been hitting one meeting a day (sometimes 2) since my hiccup. I have a sponsor who has directed me to call him daily prior to noon and call/talk with 3 other alcoholics until he says. He has given me a task of completing an activity and has already got me involved with service work. Working on the first step and attending and participating in meetings has made me feel 100% better.

David J

A new awakening

 My name is David J and I am an Alcoholic.

I share my experiences so that I may continue to emotionally develop. I need to do this.

My journey started years ago towards a faceless endeavor. I was present but not completely sober. Physically I was sober, but emotionally and mentally I was not. I was not “all in” with the program. This was my downfall. With about 25 years of drinking experience I came to the realization that I was powerless over my addiction and had no control of my life. My bottom was not as extravagant as most, but I realized that it was my last straw. I was sick and tired of being sick and tired (to use an AA term).

I have found my higher power, got myself an Alcoholic sponsor and am reading the big book of AA. This is making me feel so much better, like a relief has been lifted off my shoulders. For the last couple weeks I have been hitting 1-2 AA meetings a day and participating by sharing. My sponsor has already got me involved with service work for which I am grateful. We assisted with setting up things for a memorial service at a local residence for an alcoholic we did not know. I am working my first step and on how I am powerless over my disease (and many other things actually) and that my life has become unmanageable.

The first step of the 12 steps of AA is “We admitted that we are powerless over alcohol and that our lives had become unmanageable.” I am intrinsically processing this statement and how it relates to me. 

This is the first step in my recovery.

 

David J

Greetings!

This blog is a glimpse of my journey.