60 days sober

It looks as if I have not written here in a week. I have a lot to say today so be forewarned. I took my 60 day chip last week at my home group. I did not have too much to share prior to taking the chip. At my home group it is customary to take chips at the end of the meeting unless a birthday is being celebrated (a sobriety not bellybutton birthday). I am happy with myself and was humbled with the fact that I was taking clean chip.

I have been thinking about myself lately. I am coming to the conclusion about some things, mainly about how I think. I find that I am more comfortable around people who are addicts or suffer from some form of mental health issues. I did not used to be this way, or maybe I was I just did not know it. I find that I cannot relate to normal people or “normies” as we alcoholics sometimes categorize those who can drink like regular folk. I am also finding it difficult to talk with other people beside my immediate family. Even some of my extended family I am not able to talk, relate to or even have what might be considered a normal relationship with them. As I look back I have always struggled with social relationships no matter how good I present in one. This is a fact. This is also a complicated issue.

For many years I dealt with people in a professional manner in a rather intimate relationship whereby talking and processing was part of the job. It’s my opinion that I was pretty good at the job. I never was fired nor had any complaints against me (that I am aware of). Granted I was often challenged by others and until I found my happy medium within the profession, I was searching often on how to be a perfectionist within my work. Although I am a perfectionist and have been for a long time, it is very difficult to be one in a field plagued by imperfection and shades of grey rather than black and white issues.

All this to say, I am becoming more comfortable being around and holding relationships with people who are more like me. I am also noticing that people act differently in different meetings. Thank goodness I thought I was the only one.

David j