Just Don't Partake!

A lot of things keep happening to me. Negative things. Out of nowhere financial problems arose. I was the last to know about employment problems that will be popping up next month. Rearrangement of schedules and such. The last two weeks have been a big shit sandwich and I have had to take a slice of humble pie for desert. I keep thinking about what another old timer alcoholic continues to tell me. “Just don’t drink. Whatever you do don’t drink and things will work out!” So far this guy has been right about everything. He is not my sponsor but rather an accountability partner who is providing service to me. He keeps telling me that his service towards me is helping him stay sober. Should something happen to my current sponsor I will surely approach this man to be my next one.

I have started my 4^th step again. I have been directed to be fearless and brutally honest in this moral inventory which is what I plan to do. I have also started to listen to Joe and Charlie again. Miracles continue to happen. Small miracles are how things go for me. Slow and steady wins the race and I am grateful for all that I have.   

“Whatever Happens Don’t Drink!”

12 and 12

Below is a 12 and 12 list that I believe and subscribe to daily…

12 Things that keep me sober:

1. Not drinking
2. Meetings
3. Reading the BB
4. Working the steps
5. Realizing I have no control
6. Relinquishing Control
7. Giving it to my Higher Power (Group Of Drunks)
8. Calling my sponsor
9. Calling another alcoholic
10. Being of service
11. Avoiding triggers
12. Processing triggers

12 Things I am grateful for:

1. My sobriety
2. My health
3. My Wife
4. My Children
5. My life
6. My relationships
7. My home
8. My employment
9. My family
10. My higher power
11. My sponsor
12. The Fellowship

ESH

My experience, strength and hope are such that at first for me drinking was a fun and social event. I was a weekend warrior in High School as well as the military afterwards. I was on hiatus for about 8 years when I started drinking again. I shared recently that I don’t remember when exactly I started up again, but this was before I realized I was not a “normi.”  It began again with a few drinks here and there and went to full blown binge drinking every so often. Things got pretty bad for me and I came into the program with a less than stellar attitude. After a few relapses I finally got “the message” and stopped drinking. It wasn’t until a few months ago that the obsession to drink was lifted from my mind. This is when the miracle started for me and they continue to happen. Small miracles are how things work for me as opposed to grand miracles. I am grateful. 

Give it away now.....

A struggle is not a struggle unless there is suffering of some sorts. This may seem obvious, but sometimes it helps me process when I write things out. I have not struggled with the obsession in a few months, but I seem to be suffering from a bit of symptoms associated with post acute withdrawal. I have been a bit irritable and bitter towards others. I am not portraying anything that would require amends, just a bit cranky.

I am grateful for what I have and how I am currently living my life. My gratitude has latitude and I could take up this entire page with a list, but will not. I am working my program to the best of my abilities and continue to attend 5-7 meetings a week. I am working through my responsibilities and ensuring that I am keeping up with life on life’s terms. I am about to start my 4^th step again and although I have not made a commitment, I continue to try and be of service where I can.

Give it away

Give it away

Give it away

Give it away

Give it away

Give it away

Give it away now….

-RHCP

Step 4 again

I continue on my journey of sobriety without the obsession to drink. I have spoken with my sponsor and he has indicated that I need to start my fourth step again. I looked over my old fourth step. It was laid out similar but by no means how I plan to go about this fourth step. My last step experience was in a group setting and although I was comfortable enough to share with others in this type of milieu I do not plan on replicating this in favor of a one to one discussion.

Things continue to go my way as I continue to give everything over to my Higher Power. I can’t explain this only that it is working in my favor and every roadblock is met with positive outcomes. I believe if I was drinking that this may not be the case.

My experience strength and hope continue to guide me as I share and listen with open ears at every meeting. There are no marginal efforts that come out of me. I am all in. 

ESH

Things continue to get better for me the more sobriety I achieve. Through the Grace of God I continue to work, have a family and breathe. I do not have any inclining to drink as the obsession to drink has been lifted from me by my Higher Power. My sponsor and other ex-problem drinkers continue to provide support and encouragement which helps me through my days. I work very long days and as I continue to share at meetings, “working all day is sometimes like eating my vegetables and coming to meetings is like having desert”.

Or sometimes I share that “at first I had fun with alcohol and it was great, but then it got shitty. I came into the program a few years ago and at first it continued to be shitty. But when I got the message it got fun and great.” I don’t always share my experience, strength and hope at every meeting, but I do share. I am trying to listen and hear in addition to sharing. I want what the old timers have and am willing to do anything to get it.   

P before p

It has been a minute since I posted last. I have been steadily working my recovery. Many times in the groups I can "see" people in various ways. Many times I see leaders, politicians, authors etc..

I see people not for their common ground they share with me but with their uncommon ground masked by their disease of alcoholism. It is unfortunate that I see people in this manner. I see what they could have become were it not for their personalities becoming twisted and agree to fight with King Alcohol.

I am one of them. I am a part of this fellowship that is to place principles before personality. Even though my obsession to drink has been lifted I continue to work on my emotional and psychological sobriety. It helps me right now to hear from those with a lot of days. I continue to get the wisdom engulfed by the message. I continue to not drink. I continue to attend meetings. I continue to talk with my sponsor and other alcoholics. I continue to attend book studies and work through steps. And things just keep getting better. I sometimes come across people who are basically miserable in sobriety, but I continue to give them my standard nod and small smile without validating or reacting to them. I continue to give and take from experiences, strengths and hope. I have no grey nor pink vision but rather iridescence and I am 1/3rd into a years worth of experience. Hopefully, with my Higher Power driving I will be able to make it through this Grand Prix.

1. Principles   
2. Personalities