Surrender

Today was a good sober day. My family is involved and I am taking things one day at a time. Granted I have lost a few things but gained much, much more. I have gained sobriety, serenity and clarity. These are three things that I did not have before.

I spent some time getting to know my sponsor the other day. I found out that we have more in common than I thought. Also, I found out that we have at one time shared similar views about alcoholism; as a disease, allergy or whatever. The careful balance between science and religion has plagued me for a lot of my adult life. I did not understand the interaction of religion and science when I was younger nor did I care to. I was caught up in my youth to the point where I had blinders for glasses or tunnel vision if you will. As I matured in every aspect and gained a better understanding of how to knowledge up my brain I had my first epiphany. I had enlightening of a kind that I had never experienced before. It had nothing to do with alcoholism, but it did have to do with spirituality. I promised God that I would repent of my sins and give my life to Jesus if he would see to it that I would come out of my situation alive. I did this for a long time, but somewhere along the road I became lost. I was lost in myself and although He had held me accountable and given me ample chances I could not see Him in even though He was right in front of me. My second epiphany came the day of my last sobriety and it did have to do with alcoholism, more so than spirituality. I had experienced clarity before but not like this. After I spoke with some people, attended a meeting and listened to some other alcoholics I realized that what was said to me was true. I never had to take another drink if I didn’t want to. My sobriety date was the sobriety date for the rest of my life.  I surrendered and was free. Surrender has not been a part of my vocabulary. I’m a Marine, I don’t surrender. But, a far more experienced and full of knowledge Marine who had a fair amount of sobriety once said “in order to win and be free, sometimes you have to surrender.” This made sense to me and I put thought into practice. I have been sober ever since.

David J