repitition

I find myself repeating things in my blog, but in my instance it is good. After reading I reflected in a written journal the following:

I can relate to this reading in many respects. Mostly I can relate to the first part of the reading. Admitting that I am powerless is like surrendering which has not been part of my vocabulary for many years. As a Marine I have never surrendered nor admitted defeat. I have lived by the creed “adapt improvise and overcome” at any cost. This has served me well in many facets of my life. In college (which seems to be a never ending and very expensive process for me these days) I lived by this creed and at last check I believe my GPA at the PhD level was 3.89. This is just one instance of my living by the creed. However, I was sitting in a meeting a while ago and heard someone sharing that a Marine once told him that in order to win sometimes you need to surrender. In all of my endeavors and accomplishments I had forgotten about this simple yet powerful statement that is not only factual in nature but very much practiced successfully. It was only when I heard this motto again that the message was clarified. Yes I had heard the message this round of sobriety, but it was not solidified or crystal clear. When I was reminded that I must “surrender to win” the message clicked in my alcoholic brain with a new sense of vigor. My epiphany was complete and I admitted wholeheartedly that I was powerless over alcohol. Subconsciously I knew that I was alcoholic but my ego was keeping my psyche in check and holding it down. Not anymore. My psychic change was not sudden but it had taken place. My recovery vision was complete and off to the races. January 13, 2013 was to be my sobriety date for the rest of my life. I never had to take another drink if I didn’t want to.

David J