Today’s daily reflection talks about intellectualizing. I was
very guilty of this for quite some time. I don’t do this anymore. When I first
entered the halls of AA, my attitude was “good grief, another group that I have
to be in” although I was not the facilitator this time. I have facilitated
hundreds of groups of all different ages and topics, but had never been
participant rather than practitioner. In some respects I was jaded about groups,
which was mostly a direct manifestation of my burnout in the field. This attitude
got me into trouble multiple times since my AA indoctrination. My rationalizing
and intellectualizing did not serve me well in my dealings with my disease. (On
a side note I am a firm believer that addiction is a disease regardless of what
others may believe and that I am definitely addicted to alcohol.) I had
studied the brain both in my undergraduate and graduate training and had a
grasp of the interworking of many areas such as biopsychology, neurosciences and
psychopharmacology. However, I failed to be able to look outside the box when
introspecting myself. Also, my firm belief that denial was a river in the
Amazon held my thinking and rationalizing steadfast for some time.
After my last go around I nixed the idea that I could solve
this problem of mine. I gave in, surrendered and admitted my powerlessness. I
gave over everything to my higher power and have been reaping the benefits ever
since.
David J
No comments:
Post a Comment